i guess since my theme is no longer a high resolution picture of will smith
i can post THE FIRST TWO SCENES OF ACT 1 OF MY PLAY
it’s coming along nicely
SCENE 1 (in the theater)
On the stage, work-lights on, AIDAN, RORY, and CALLUM casually sit on the play furniture.
AIDAN: Are you sure we didn’t go a little overboard on this one?
RORY: Don’t worry my friend, you guys couldn’t have done it any more perfectly.
CALLUM: I don’t know man, they said he’s gonna be bedridden for the next six months.
RORY: Exactly. More than enough time for them to cancel the theatre program for the rest of the school year.
CALLUM: Yeah, but I mean what if we did permanent damage? I mean, we could have really changed Mr. Richards’ life, or even ended it!
RORY: Calm down, Callum, Mr. Richards is fine. So he won’t get to walk again for the next half year, what’s the big deal? You need to remember why we did this, and be glad that the man is out of our hair.
AIDAN: I guess Rory’s right. I mean, what’s done is done, yeah? It’s not like we killed the man or anything.
RORY: Exactly Aidan, exactly. What’s important is that we DID NOT kill anyone. We don’t solve our problems that way, we are way classier than that.
CALLUM: I dunno guys, I still feel bad about this whole mess. We should at least go down there and apologize, don’t you think?
RORY: Apologize for what? Mr. Richards’ accident was nothing more than the result of our school’s inability to buy a quality scissor-lift. We don’t owe anyone an apology. In a way, we almost deserve thanks, seeing as the school has no choice but to stop being so cheap. It’s basic economics, my friend.
Enter EMMY, LIBBY, and KAT.
RORY (triumphantly): Hello, ladies.
LIBBY: Jesus Christ, Rory, calm yourself.
RORY: What? Don’t pretend you aren’t impressed.
KAT: Impressed with what?
LIBBY: Nothing, Kat, Don’t bother yourself with him, he’s a complete blockhead.
EMMY: Speaking of blockheads, have you guys heard any news on Mr. Richards?
AIDAN: Has anyone seen Adele?
RORY (in disbelief): They say he’s going to be bedridden for the next six months, can you believe it?
CALLUM: You should take up acting, Rory.
EMMY: Six months? Oh my god, this is terrible. I mean, Mr. Richards wasn’t the best director, but still, this means I have to find a different theatre program outside of school!
KAT: Who knew a cheap scissor-lift could do so much damage?
RORY: In my defense, he is turning 70 this October.
EMMY: In your defense?
AIDAN: So I take it no one has seen Adele, then?
KAT: So what does that mean for us? I mean, we can’t not have a director. Are they going to shut us down?
RORY: Most likely, it would seem. It was truly an honor to work in your company, friends.
CALLUM: You had me at “truly.”
EMMY: So what are we doing here then? If theatre’s cancelled forever, then I should probably get going. I could definitely use the extra time to prepare for my chess match with the mayor.
RORY (wrapping his arm around her): God you’re incredible. But I’m afraid we have to wait until someone officially tells us that the program is being shut down.
Enter ALEXIS, followed by OTHER CALLUM who is carrying a large bag of art supplies.
ALEXIS: Is he parading around like the goddamn Fonz already?
LIBBY: It would appear so.
OTHER CALLUM (struggling to carry the bag): Should I set these down now?
ALEXIS: Oh! Yeah, sure man. Go for it.
OTHER CALLUM (relieved): Thank you so much. I need to go lie down.
KAT: Should we do our regular warm-ups or something while we wait?
AIDAN: Adele still isn’t here!
RORY: I’m afraid there’s not much of a point in doing our warm-ups on a day like today, dear Kathryn. Today is the end of days for our high school theatre experience, it would seem.
CALLUM: That’s real deep, man. You could be an actor and a poet if you wanted.
LIBBY: Yeah Rory, say something else that’s deep.
RORY (in great contemplation): I’m going to die one day.
KAT: So what’s in the bag, Alexis?
ALEXIS: Oh, right. I’m just working on a new painting is all. I figured I would work on it here while we wait on the news. It’s a painting of a colony of jellyfish surrounding a sunken ship.
EMMY: How many jellyfish?
ALEXIS: At least 40 jellyfish.
KAT: Can’t wait until it’s done!
Enter ADELE, in a rush, distraught.
AIDAN: There she is!
ADELE: We’re totally screwed, you guys.
AIDAN: Well hello to you too, darling.
CALLUM: What is it?
ADELE: Apparently, instead of shutting down the theatre program, they’re replacing Mr. Richards.
ALL (but KAT, EMMY, and ADELE): NO!
EMMY: How are we screwed, that’s great news isn’t it?
ADELE: Uh, well-
RORY (interrupting): What she means is that no-one can replace Mr. Richards. For all we know, his “replacement” could be the gym teacher. I for one will not stand for such a thing!
LIBBY: I feel so inspired.
AIDAN: Do you know who the replacement is?
ADELE: Afraid not. But whoever it is, they can’t be that bad, right?
Enter VICE PRINCIPAL
VICE PRINCIPAL: Hello kids. I’m sure you’re all devastated by Mr. Richards’ accident. I can assure you, we’re doing everything in our power to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Next time we buy a scissor-lift, we’re going to make sure we do our product research a little better.
RORY (to CALLUM): I told you so.
CALLUM: I swear to Christ, Rory.
ADELE: So who’s replacing him?
VICE PRINCIPAL: Ah yes, he should be here any moment. Lucky for us, he volunteered to be your director until Mr. Richards recovers.
EMMY: Is he qualified for this sort of thing?
KAT: Is he nice?
VICE PRINCIPAL: He’s the best you kids will get until Mr. Richards is out of the hospital. But don’t worry, I trust he’ll make a suitable substitute. Ah, here he comes now.
Enter Mr. Riley
RILEY: Hey kids!
RORY: Well damn.
ALEXIS (trying not to laugh): I have to go to the bathroom.
KAT: Uh, me too.
EMMY: Me three.
The three exit.
VICE PRINCIPAL: You can take it from here, Mr. Riley. Feel free to call whenever you have any questions.
RILEY: Right on, daddio.
RILEY: Alrighty kids, I’m sure this is a bit of a weird change for you. But I trust you’ll adapt, after all, you’re actors!
All moan in defeat.
CALLUM: Dad, you’re a geologist.
RILEY: I know sport, but the head honcho gave me the go-ahead on volunteering for you kids.
LIBBY: Callum, why am I just now meeting your dad? He’s swell.
CALLUM: But dad, uh, shouldn’t you be focused on your work? I mean it’s okay, I’m sure we can get another volunteer.
RILEY: Don’t worry about me kiddo, I know a thing or two about theatre. How do you think your sister Emma became so successful as an actress?
CALLUM: Didn’t she become really good friends with Hugh Jackman?
RILEY: Well, yes, but I can assure you Mr. Jackman wasn’t the only guy coaching her on her acting. And besides, I never get to see your friends. How about you introduce me to them?
RORY (interrupting): Hello, Mr. Riley. My name’s Rory, and I’m not here to evade going to boot camp if that’s what you’re thinking.
RILEY: Well aren’t you a bundle of laughs!
LIBBY: My name’s Elizabeth, but you can call me Libby. I’m diggin’ the beret, Mr. Riley.
RILEY: Well thanks, Libby. You’re quite the cool cat yourself.
CALLUM: Oh my God.
LIBBY: Oh my God.
AIDAN: Hello Mr. Riley, I’m Aidan-
ADELE: And I’m Adele!
RILEY: Well aren’t you two just a couple of cutie patooties.
RORY: Oh my God.
RILEY: Who’s the gentleman sleeping on the couch?
CALLUM: Oh, that’s Callum.
RILEY: Another Callum?
OTHER CALLUM (jumping awake): DID SOMEONE SAY OTHER CALLUM? Woah. Who’s that. Where’s Alexis?
RILEY: Hello Callum, I’m Callum’s dad.
OTHER CALLUM: Yeah okay, but where’s Alexis?
LIBBY: She’s in the bathroom, loverboy.
ADELE: And I thought Aidan was clingy.
OTHER CALLUM: I guess I’ll just watch her stuff until she comes back then.
AIDAN: You think I’m clingy?
Enter ALEXIS, EMMY, and KAT.
RILEY: Welcome back, ladies!
OTHER CALLUM: Alexis!
AIDAN: I’m not clingy.
RILEY: I’m Mr. Riley. We were all just getting to know each other. May I ask what your names are?
ALEXIS (still trying not to laugh): I’m Alexis, nice to meet you.
EMMY: I’m Emanuelle Dubbeldam.
RILEY: Whoa, don’t you have a chess match with the mayor today?
EMMY: Sure do!
RILEY: Rock and roll, man.
KAT: I’m Kathryn, but you can call me Kat.
RILEY: Well hey there, Kat, little Callum talks about you an awful lot at home!
CALLUM: Oh my gOD DAD.
KAT: Wait what?
CALLUM: Nothing. Dad’s just confused is all. You see, I talk about cats a lot. I really like cats.
RORY: The plot thickens.
RILEY: No, I remember right. Kathryn Lowndes is your full name, right?
KAT: Uh, yeah that’s right.
CALLUM: So anyway, Dad, how about that acting.
RILEY: Ah yes, back on topic. I’m your kids’ new director until Mr. Richards starts feeling better. He certainly took a nasty spill.
Everyone but KAT and EMMY scratch their heads and look away.
RILEY: I figured before we decide what our holiday production will be, we start with some acting excersises!
EMMY: Finally, something productive!
RORY: Mr. Riley, can we have some time to prepare first? We usually have about ten minutes or so for a snack before we start our exercises.
RILEY: If you insist, Cory.
CALLUM and LIBBY: Cory.
SCENE 2 (in the courtyard)
Enter AIDAN, RORY, and CALLUM.
AIDAN: So, team meeting?
RORY: Team meeting.
CALLUM: I can’t believe this.
RORY: Believe it friend, your Dad has to go.
CALLUM: Shut up man, this is serious.
RORY: What? I’m being serious. Now let’s find out how to get your dad on that scissor lift.
CALLUM: I can’t handle this. You said getting rid of Mr. Richards was going to be enough to get us out for good!
RORY: Hey man, dads happen. It’s not my fault he doesn’t understand you don’t want to be an actor.
RORY: Don’t worry, we’ll figure this one out. You’re not the only one who’s dreading this.
AIDAN: We’ll get through it, Callum. Relax. How much worse could it get, right?
Enter KAT and LIBBY.
CALLUM: I gotta go do a thing.
KAT: Hey, where’s Callum?
RORY: He’s doin’ a thing.
LIBBY: So how’s the team meeting coming along?
AIDAN: It’s not.
RORY: Don’t you worry your attractive little head, Libby, I got this one.
KAT: What are you guys talking about?
LIBBY: Nothing. Rory’s just a blockhead, that’s all.
KAT: Oh, alright then. I’ll be eating over there if you guys need me. If Callum comes back, let me know.
RORY: Okay, we have to talk about the name-calling.
Enter ALEXIS and OTHER CALLUM.
ALEXIS: Well well, looks like Fonzie over here isn’t that great after all.
OTHER CALLUM: Ayyyy!
RORY: Well if you keep making fun of me like that, you won’t get to hear my new master plan.
ALEXIS: What master plan?
AIDAN: The one that doesn’t exist.
ALEXIS: So I take it the team meeting isn’t over then.
RORY: Well maybe if both Callums started pulling their own weight and didn’t miss them all the time!
OTHER CALLUM: Hey man, I have more important things to do than be apart of your schemes.
AIDAN: Do you really?
OTHER CALLUM: Quiet, Mr. Clingy.
AIDAN: I’m not clingy!
ALEXIS: So where is Callum?
OTHER CALLUM: I’m right here!
RORY: He’s off somewhere, doin’ a thing.
ALEXIS: A thing?
AIDAN: Hiding from his love interest.
ALEXIS: Aw. Well it could be worse, he could be waiting hand and foot for her to do whatever she tells him to. That would just be sad.
OTHER CALLUM: Wait what?
Enter ADELE and EMMY.
AIDAN: Hello darling!
ADELE: Hey, clingy.
AIDAN: I’m done.
EMMY: Am I the only one that’s outraged by this? I don’t think Mr. Riley is really qualified for teaching theatre. I think I might have to find another program after all…
OTHER CALLUM: I don’t know, have you seen Emma on stage? If she’s really his daughter, I think he might be alright.
RORY: First you miss our team meetings, and now you turn against us.
OTHER CALLUM: I’m not turning against anyone, I’m just saying…
EMMY: I’m gonna go eat with Kathryn. I don’t know, maybe we’ll come up with a plan to get rid of Callum’s dad.
LIBBY: You’re a bad influence, Rory.
RORY: Don’t look at me, she’s the genius.
ALEXIS: This is pretty bad though. I don’t think Mr. Riley is going to let me sketch during rehearsals.
LIBBY: Yeah, he seems pretty serious about this whole thing. He’s actually worse than Mr. Richards! Way to go, Rory.
RORY: Whoa whoa whoa now, you guys were all in on it. It’s not my fault I’m unstoppable.
ADELE: You know guys, if I wanted to, I could just quit theatre right now without consequence. And I do want to. But I’m not going to, because as your friend, I feel it is my responsibility to get you out of this jam. So, as someone who actually cares about Callum, I think it’s time we just be honest.
AIDAN: What Adele said.
LIBBY: I actually think that’s the best way to approach this at this point. I love Kat to death but I don’t think I can handle theatre with Mr. Riley.
ALEXIS: Seriously you guys, I can think of at least 40 other things I’d rather be doing than theatre. It’s not my fault Art club is at capacity.
RORY: Listen to yourselves! Talking about “honesty.” If you guys all go, I’ll have to find something after school worse than theatre! I can’t handle that! I may as well go to boot camp for the summer like my parents wanted. It’s like you guys don’t even care!
RORY: Okay, okay. After some of the plans I’ve put you guys through, I guess I deserve that. I suppose I owe you all anyway. Let me think. I’ll get you all out of this, just let me think.
LIBBY: Is Rory actually thinking about the well-being of others?
ALEXIS: I’m not sure. After everything that’s happened today, I think it might be safe to say that we somehow entered a parallel universe.
OTHER CALLUM: Just like in Fringe!
ADELE: Oh God now I want to go home and watch Fringe. You guys are so lucky I care about you.
AIDAN: You guys are so lucky I care about Adele.
CALLUM: Finally, it’s safe.
ADELE: Are you alright Callum?
CALLUM: I’m fine. Just keep me away from Rory, and keep Kat away from me, and I’ll be good.
AIDAN: Calm down man, Rory’s coming up with something to help you out.
CALLUM: Because that’s worked so well in the past, right?
LIBBY: No, I think he might actually care this time around. It’s weird. I think the world might be ending.
ALEXIS: I support the multiverse theory.
OTHER CALLUM: As do I.
AIDAN: And you call me clingy.
ADELE: Well, you kind of are.
CALLUM: Whatever man. I just want this day to be over.
RILEY: Alright kiddos, let’s get started!
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- neimen said:BEST SCRIPT EVER YOU GENIUS PAXTON THIS IS HILARIOUS
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